If you never dated someone who is non-binary before, it can often be a complicated ordeal. Just because someone is non-binary does not mean that dating them will be too confusing, or not worth your time, and effort. The easiest way to date a non-binary person is to make sure that you understand who they are, and what makes them comfortable. The best way to do this is by always making sure communication is open between the two of you. If you do this then dating a non-binary person is a lot less complicated than you may think.
Don’t Assume Their Gender By How They’re Dressed
Many people relate to gender to how a person is dressed. If this is something that you do often, it would be best if you stopped as soon as possible. Non-binary people hate being referred to as a certain gender simply based off of how they are dressed. Clothes do not determine what gender a person is because anyone can buy and wear any clothing that they choose. If a non-binary person tells you that they want to be referred to as a man on any given day even though they are wearing a dress, you should use male pronouns for them. No exceptions.
Depending on the non-binary person that you want to date, sometimes they may want to be referred to as a man one day, and a woman the next day. Some may prefer that you use male and female pronouns interchangeably, and others may not want to be referred to as a man or a woman.
Get Confirmation Before Calling Them a Specific Gender
When you are dating a non-binary person, it is always important to get confirmation of what gender they want to be referred to as to make things easier for the both of you. Remember, just because they were fine with you calling them a woman yesterday, doesn’t mean they will be fine with you calling them a woman tomorrow. If you feel like you never know what gender they will be, simply ask.
The two of you can work something out where they tell you what gender they will be when they first speak to you. If that doesn’t work, you can try saying something like, “Is it a man, woman, or other day today?” This question will make things a lot easier for the two of you, and should help to keep confusion down. If you refer to them as the wrong gender, quickly apologize for it, and follow up by using the correct pronouns.
Don’t Refer to Them As a Specific Gender When Talking with Other People
It can be kind of awkward and confusing for other people when you refer to the person that you’re dating as, “they,” or when you refer to them as different genders. Instead of having to answer a bunch of curious questions, start out by letting people know that the person you’re dating is non-binary. Many people won’t know what non-binary is, so you may have to explain it to them. Some people won’t understand it, but you are under no obligation to make them understand. If they refuse to acknowledge your partner is non-binary, then it’s best to keep them away from your partner.
Avoiding referring to your partner, as a specific gender is extremely important when speaking to other people. If you don’t, your partner may find out and it can lead to stress and arguments in the relationship. They will feel like you’re not proud to be with them, or that you don’t respect their gender (or lack thereof). Dating a non-binary person isn’t all that complicated once the two of you talk about what is to be expected between the two of you. Take some time to ask questions before you decide dating a non-binary person is right for you. Most of them are happy to give others a better understanding of themselves.